Will(not) Power

Two weeks ago, I went to see Dr. Larry Griffin about my unusually absent Aunt. You see, my horrible Aunt Flo likes to turn up- unwelcome- around the same time every month. In retrospect, I suppose I should be grateful for her continued presence in my life- her monthly visits mean my lady parts are working correctly. But in my defense, its hard to be happy about her week-long stay when her best attribute is her ability to inflict pain.

Whatever.

So, when she never showed, I made an appointment with my doctor to figure all this out. And by figure out, I mean I wanted him to tell me what I longed to hear. Which basically means I hoped he would tell me I was pregnant.

So of course, he didn't.

What he told me instead was that there are so many things that can affect a woman's reproductive system and its likely that something of the sort had thrown my body out of whack. Color me disappointed. He continued by saying excessive stress can alter or temporarily stop a cycle. I nodded. Yeah, I've been under some stress. Yes, there's been a lot going on.

And then almost as an aside, he said, 'oh and being heavy can sometimes affect reproduction.'

Ouch.

And very true.

I know I'm no Olive Oil, but it still stung a little. The rational part of my brain told me that he's just doing his job- that he's concerned about my well-being. The other half was thinking that I'm totally paying this guy to insult me. I know, I know. He wasn't really being mean. Except in my mind, he might as well have looked me in the eyes and said, 'Holy crow! We need to get you back to the ocean, Shamu.'

Does that ever happen to anyone else? You go to the doctor and feel like he's just slipping in some insults like, 'that mole is looking a little funny.' Or 'you should think about losing some weight.' Or 'your blood pressure is too high.' Thanks, doc. Here's some money. We should do this again sometime. I'm just gonna take my weird-looking mole home now and cry. But I digress...

When I finally got my blood test results, I wasn't so surprised to find that I was indeed not pregnant. I took myself down to Walgreens to fill my prescription for Provera, a medicine that is supposed to make me start my period. Awesome. And then another doctors appointment to determine the next step which will most likely be Clomid (a drug to make me ovulate). We'll see.

So now I'm determined to lose weight. Sure I want a Big Mac and a caramel Frappe, but there are things I want more. Like a baby. Things that I might not be able to have if I keep eating every french fry I can get my hands on.

Why, then, did my breakfast consist of a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit, and a hash brown. Eesh. This is going to be a nightmare not going to be easy. Clearly, my willpower is nonexistent lacking. Instead of strong willpower, I have will(not)power. Dang.

To keep my mind of these reproductive issues, I went to the NKOTBSB concert. It. was. AWESOME. Definitely brought out my inner child. Took me back to the nineties. I had a blast. Yes, I am still a Backstreet Boys fan. Yes, I listen to their CDs in my car. A lot. And okay, I admit to having every single album they ever made, even the ones not released in the United States.

I wonder what John would say if he came home to BSB posters all over our bedroom walls. I doubt he would like that. Oh well.

Anywho, goodnight from your friend, a ridiculously obsessed huge Backstreet Boy fan.